


Lonely Existence

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Zero, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Birthday Presents, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Complicated Relationships, Developing Friendships, Emotional Constipation, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 08:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Kamukura's sent to give Komaeda a birthday present and spends the day with him while everyone else is out.





	Lonely Existence

**Author's Note:**

> The last day for KamuKoma Week is a free day as per usual, but it was also Komaeda's Birthdaaaaaay. Whooooooo, birthday fiiiiic! I added Matsuda because I wuv him but it's a birthday fic featuring KamuKoma, yeeeeeeeeeah!
> 
> Please enjoy~ Maybe comment?

It had been as uninteresting a day as any. He was content to do nothing about it, and indeed, because it was Sunday, he predicted such would be the case. However, that did not happen.

“Hey, Kayako. Get the hell up.” A few snaps overhead. “Up, up. I know you’re actually awake, you fucking _brat_.”

Despite the snarling, he’s of course unbothered. His eyes do open however it is leisurely and Matsuda’s scowl deepens as it looms over him. His face is pinched up in a special kind of annoyance. Ah.

“Something happened,” he said. “Inconvenient, I presume?”

“Stupid plane bullshit. I have to go pick up some ugly bitch before they call animal control.” Matsuda sighed heavily, raking his fingers through his hair. “Someone else would’ve done it, but she’s running late and she contacted me. I’m really not in a good mood right now. I have a favor that needs to be done.”

With that, he lightly smacks Kamukura’s forehead with a wrapped up book.

“This is for Komaeda Nagito in Class 77-B. Thankfully for you, he’s the only idiot in the class still on campus because the rest of them fucked off to some photogenic resort for someone else’s birthday. He was sick so he couldn’t go with. He’s probably depressed but is going to keep on smiling like a fucking idiot so make sure this gets to him?”

“You did not strike me as the type to prepare presents, Matsuda Yasuke,” Kamukura said lowly. “Is this retribution, then?”

“Yeah, it is. He bought me something I couldn’t find anywhere else.” Matsuda rolled his eyes. “Don’t make this fucking weird. It’s only courtesy to buy something for someone in return. I know you should have some basic idea of what _that_ is.”

“...hmph.” He pushes himself up, but takes the gift anyway. “How boring. There is no value in celebrating a day merely for one birth of many.”

“If you’re jealous then I can have you registered for your own birthday.” A pause. “Or you can take Hinata’s. It’s not like he’s really using it anymore.”

“Such trifles do not concern me.”

“Of course they don’t. Well, either way, I expect you to deliver it. Or else I’ll draw on your face while you sleep.”

“...”

“And cut your hair too, while I’m at it.”

“Understood. It will be delivered immediately.”

“Awesome.” Matsuda seemed satisfied enough, turning on his heel to head out with a pop of some joints. He stopped for a moment. “I’m not going to be back until late tonight. The train ride to the airport is obnoxiously far and the flight is probably going to get delayed _again_ , knowing what I’m dealing with. That’s not even accounting for the other bullshit I’ll definitely get saddled with along the way. Whatever. If you get lonely or something...”

Kamukura stared at him blankly.

“Well. You could do worse. Just saying. All the same. Ciao.”

With a wave of his hand, he stepped out. Kamukura finally scoffed.

* * *

Such trifles did not concern him in the slightest. But it was not often he left his room. It was even less so that Matsuda Yasuke requested his services. He often only ever did what the researchers told him to do, and whenever Matsuda Yasuke told him to do anything, it was often...less than menial. Always detached.

_“Stand still.”_

_“Don’t whine so much.”_

_“Relax.”_

_“You will accomplish many wonderful things, Kamukura Izuru-kun,”_ the researchers would crow.

Komaeda Nagito hadn’t believed that at all. Not in the slightest.

_“Hope can’t be born in a lab,”_ he would say, breathily and brimming with straining emotion. _“Just what were they thinking?”_

The answer had been obvious. Apparent. Boring. Komaeda Nagito had just gotten more irritated with him.

_Komaeda Nagito...is irritable as Matsuda Yasuke. Around myself. And no one else._

It shouldn’t matter. He doesn’t care. It’s boring. Everything is boring.

_“With an attitude like that, you really aren’t going to make any friends,”_ Matsuda had said once, tone dull and eyes on his manga instead of Kamukura.

_Boring._

_“You say that but it’s human nature to be social, y’know.”_

_So boring._

_“You can’t seriously expect me to believe you’re not at least a little lonely.”_

_Boring, boring, **boring**._

Such concerns were mere trifles. And yet, the crinkling of wrapping under his tightening grip cuts through those thoughts as if they were nothing. Kamukura lightens it as to not damage the gift, and keeps his eyes straight ahead. He walks until he sees the fluttering of birds. His pace does not quicken. He maintains a leisure stride.

Komaeda Nagito is crouched low. He has a remaining, crumpled half of melon bread in one hand, and is spreading crumbs with the other. The birds pick at them. One has nested into his hair.

“You know,” Kamukura finds himself saying. “That provides very little nutritional value.”

“Good morning to you too, Kamukura-kun,” Komaeda replies, without even looking at him. “Out for a walk on this fine day? It’s good luck, isn’t it, to have such lovely weather.”

“No.”

“Well, alright.” Komaeda’s laugh is soft, strained at edges that would’ve been indiscernible to anything less than Kamukura Izuru’s sharp ears. “I mean, I think it is. And with the rest of my class gone, it’s quiet. Relaxed. Not that I prefer being without them, but... They can be noisy.”

“Mm.” It is mildly irritating how Komaeda Nagito is willfully oblivious to the gift in Kamukura’s hands. How it has yet to be acknowledged. Kamukura twitched a little before throwing all caution to the wind and thrusting it forward. “Matsuda Yasuke asked me to give this to you.”

The birds all flee, leaving a flurry of feathers. One even gets stick in Komaeda’s hair. Komaeda, who just blinks blearily at the gift, before nodding and taking it.

“Aha. Haha.” He doesn’t sound terribly enthused, shuffling it rather hurriedly into his bag. “Matsuda-kun...so kind. Please tell him I send my highest regards. He must be quite busy today.”

“Yes. He is.”

“I see.” Komaeda nods again. “Well, then, you can get going now, Kamukura-kun.”

He says nothing to that.

“I can’t imagine that my company is terribly stimulating, so I shall not bother you further.” Komaeda finally stands, brushing himself off. “If you won’t leave, I will. You can have this spot if you want it so badly.”

“I do not want anything.” The words slip before he can stop them. And for once, a twinge is in his features. _Hm_. “How are you?”

Komaeda still hasn’t picked the feather from his hair. He also still hasn’t looked at him directly.

“I don’t know why you would care.”

“Of course not,” he said. “But I still asked.”

Komaeda’s lips twist before pulling into a smile.

“Fine, of course. Nothing to concern your oh so _talented_ self with. As I said before, the weather is lovely. Atmosphere serene. My classmates are surely enjoying themselves greatly without my worthless presence to dampen their high spirits. Why would I be anything _less_ than fine?”

_One reason is obvious._

“You’re lonely.”

“Eh?” Komaeda laughs, more taken aback then amused. “What was that?”

He reaches out and swiftly plucks out the feather.

“You are lonely,” he says simply. “That much is clear. Despite how often you allow yourself to be isolated, you are still plagued by feelings of lonesomeness. How boring. How predictable.”

Komaeda blinks, eyes darting between the feather twirling around between his fingers and Kamukura’s own unmoved and stoic gaze.

Komaeda’s smile twitches; there’s a forceful tug at its corners.

“I didn’t think you cared enough to comment.” His smile widens, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s human nature to get lonely. But it’s for the best. My feelings don’t matter as long as the others can shine. Nothing is more important nor as wonderful.”

“Those are quite the flimsy justifications,” he pointed out.

“Mm, I don’t expect someone like you to understand. Kamukura-kun is all cold logic and rationale.” That smile doesn’t drop even as those eyes narrow sharply. “You wouldn’t know the first thing about being human. I feel sorry for you.”

_Sorry?_

“It’s not like you asked to exist, after all, it was all that insolent reserve. You really are pitiful, Kamukura-kun. Nothing drives you at all.” Komaeda steps aside. “What are you even living for? I wonder if someone like you is dissatisfied even with existing. Well.” He paused. “It’s not like I’d understand how _that_ would be like.”

Kamukura lets him brush past. But it is not long before he finds himself turning on his own heel and trailing after him. Komaeda doesn’t look back, which is expectable. He’s not the type to do so even when being followed.

Neither of them say anything.

* * *

_“Do you understand your purpose?”_

_“...”_

_“You’re going to be the ultimate symbol of hope, Kamukura Izuru-kun!”_

_“Wrong. I am a tool for your disposal. A symbol of power and of influence. The product of a boastful legacy.”_

_“No, that’s not...”_

_“You cannot fool me.”_

_“...hah. I suppose I can’t.”_

* * *

Komaeda Nagito busied himself with humble leisure activities. Walking, admiring the paintings and sculptures throughout campus, relaxing near the gardens, watching the frogs and turtles in the pond, checking out books at the library, sitting by the windows and listening to people practicing in the music room. It was much, as if Komaeda Nagito were restless, but nothing eventful occurred.

Even when Komaeda Nagito got himself coffee from the vending machine, there was a single can dispensed. Komaeda Nagito paused at this, and purchased another.

“Here,” he huffed, tossing it to Kamukura. “You must get thirsty, too.”

“I am as sustained the necessary amount,” was the reply. “This is unnecessary.”

“Aah, is that so?” Komaeda pops open the can, lashes lowering over his unimpressed stare. “Well, I suppose I shouldn’t have expected any different.”

He tilts his head back as he drinks. And he downs it quickly, Adam’s apple bobbling with each swallow.

Kamukura still opens and sips from his own can. It’s surprisingly bitter, and yet his expression gives nothing away. As per usual.

“You know,” Komaeda says. “Even though you have every talent, making the possibilities endless, it feels like even less happens when you’re around.” He chuckles, swirling around his drink. “Is that just your luck?”

“It could very well be, I suppose.”

_How boring. Even though Komaeda Nagito’s life is plagued by extremities, they are circumvented by my presence alone. That really is so..._

“Boring...”

“It is, but for someone like me you could call it a blessing,” Komaeda murmured. “To have a mundane day pass by, it’s akin to having a normal life, farcical and fleeting as it may be.”

“How dull it must be to long for normalcy,” Kamukura hummed. “You really are a boring person.”

“It was nice,” Komaeda said, firmer than before. “Even if it was because of you. Even if it’s you, I’m still...thankful, Kamukura-kun.”

He hmphed at that, but Komaeda kept talking.

“Living a normal life together really wouldn’t be so bad. Simply being allowed to exist without being excessively punished and rewarded for it—do you think that’s a privilege?”

“A privilege...” The thought does give him pause. He mulls it over, and then, he finds he has no answer. “What a thing to ask.”

“I guess it’s pretty strange to wonder, especially if you’re going to Hope’s Peak,” Komaeda laughed. “But when you weren’t talking, I almost could’ve pretended we were friends and that was even stranger...”

“...because you are lonely.”

“Perhaps. I don’t really want to think about it. My mind goes haywire easily.” He finishes up his coffee. “But, all the same, I don’t really feel lonely right now.”

“Because I am here.”

Komaeda just laughs.

“Perhaps, perhaps. Is it the same for you, Kamukura-kun?”

_Is it?_

He doesn’t think; the answer that forms is immediate.

“It is not.”

It is immediate—and distasteful.

“Aha, understandable.” Komaeda hurriedly looks away, and his ears are red. “Someone like me makes for poor company.”

“It is not because of you.” Kamukura frowns. “That much I am certain of.”

Komaeda laughs again, but this time the sound is strained. Anxious. It strikes an unpleasant cord.

“I think...” The words trail off into a hard swallow. “I’m going back to my dorm, to open Matsuda-kun’s present and take a look at it.”

Komaeda almost stumbles when he steps away, pausing only to toss his empty can. He glances over his shoulder, but it’s only slightly, only so that he can catch the smallest of glimpses of Kamukura in his glassy gaze. He gives a courteous wave and a barely perceptible smile.

“I’ll see you, Kamukura-kun. Perhaps.”

“Perhaps,” he merely echoed.

Komaeda practically scurried away after that. Kamukura sees him nearly stumble, but he does not fall. He watches until the other is gone. He waits until he can no longer hear that quickened heartbeat without focusing, and downs the rest of his coffee.

It really is bitter.

* * *

_“You’re really miserable, huh? Well, it’s not any of my concern, but...”_

_“You are commenting, nonetheless.”_

_“Yeah. Suppose I am.” Matsuda rolled his eyes. “Maybe because it pisses me off a little.”_

_There’s nothing to say to that._

_“Maybe you should just try and go out more often, it’s not like you’re unable to leave,” Matsuda huffs. “If you just did—anything—you’d be miles better than you are now.”_

_“There is no point in doing anything when the results yielded are predictable and boring.”_

_“Factually wrong, dumbass. You know that. So what the hell are you so stubborn about?”_

_He does not answer that either._

_“Geez, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you just wanted to remain inhuman and miserable. Or maybe you’re afraid.”_

_“That is...” He stops himself. “False.”_

_“Huh.” Matsuda whistled. “All that talent—and you’d think you’d be a better fucking **liar**.”_

* * *

He finds himself knocking on the door. The back of his fist strikes it thrice, all intervals in-between the same length. He’s aware that it’s fairly recent from the coat of paint. He would not be surprised if Komaeda Nagito had lost a door to bad luck.

“Mm? Coming.” It’s a soft and muffled call. It does not take long for the door to creak open, and though Komaeda Nagito appears with a smile, it falls in confusion. “Kamukura-kun? It’s...barely into sunset.”

“You were born around this time, correct?” he asks. Komaeda raises a brow.

“I wouldn’t...know if I was.”

“You were. So, then, take this. For your birth.” He holds out the small box, wrapped in a ribbon. “It is a cake. It should be suited to your tastes.”

Komaeda takes it, eyes wide.

“Aha... Haha... Um. Am I dreaming?”

“No. You are not.” He shakes his head. “It is most certainly not a dream.” He frowns. “Do you not want it?”

He can see how conflicted and how twisted Komaeda’s expression gets. How his eyes crinkle at the edges and are, albeit briefly, on the brink of tears. Tears that could have been either joy or grief. Komaeda’s emotions swung wildly, as one would expect from someone who lived so tumultuously.

And yet, this person was still standing, even as his knees quaked.

“You do not have to eat it right away,” Kamukura says, perhaps so that Komaeda perks rather than collapses. “However it will deteriorate in a matter of time. Please do enjoy it before then.”

“I... Mm.” Komaeda nodded quickly, lips pressed tightly together. “O-Okay. Thank you, Kamukura-kun.”

“It is nothing.” And yet, it felt so strangely significant. How strange. So strange. “I shall be seeing you.”

Komaeda tugs on his sleeve before he can turn. Kamukura stares, both at his trembling, pitiful grip, and the twitching, twisting expression. Slowly, it morphed from troubled to—something else.

“Thank you, Kamukura-kun.”

It wasn’t a smile. It wasn’t a frown either. All it was—was heartrendingly sincere.

“Thank you... Really.” He squeezes that small bit of fabric of Kamukura’s sleeve before pulling away. Just like that, he gives an easy smile that conveyed nothing at all. “I’ll be seeing you. Tell Matsuda-kun that the book was wonderful. Well. I’ll tell him that, too, next time I see him, haha.”

Kamukura only nods.

“See you.”

“See you!”

He leaves on that rather discordant note.

* * *

When he returns to his room, there is not much else to do besides sit there on the bed and mull.

_Komaeda Nagito...really is..._

His eyes fall shut as the thought itself trails off into nothing. Nothing but quiet. Time passes, and there’s a knock on the door.

It’s well past midnight. Without even waiting for an answer, Matsuda Yasuke pushes his way in, yawning inelegantly.

“Yoo... Letting you know I didn’t somehow die.”

“I would have been aware either way,” was the blank response. Under the dull light, Matsuda rubs his eyes blearily. Another yawn, and Matsuda nods a few times.

“Right, right... Of course... Jackass.” Matsuda grumbles, and he straightens up. “How was Komaeda?”

“He liked his gift. He had a satisfactory day.” It’s dully spoken, but the words are strangely weighted. “I suppose—even one who exists miserably can find happiness in living.”

“Yeah? That’s—wild to hear you say. Mm... Wonder if I’m dreaming... Maybe I really did die.”

In the blink of an eye, Kamukura stood up and steadied him, keeping him from swaying until he toppled over.

“You should rest as well. I suspect—Komaeda Nagito will be happier to see you in higher spirits, Matsuda Yasuke.”

“Dooon’t tell me what to do,” Matsuda slurred. “But fiiiiine. See if I ever check on you out of worry again. At least you were nice to the kid on his birthday. I gueeeeeess.”

He thinks about Komaeda Nagito and that worthless smile. But he also thinks about Komaeda Nagito and his innocent gaze.

“I suppose,” he echoed. “I suppose...”

Matsuda had already dozed off. Funny, that. Kamukura wondered if Komaeda Nagito was resting as well—if he was sleeping peacefully. If he was lonely.

_I want to see him._

What a strange, unsettling thought that was.

_That this person exists is—_

Kamukura pauses, and shakes his head, helping Matsuda to bed.

_I suppose it isn’t boring._


End file.
